De moppenhoek

Hier kan iedereen alles plaatsen over zaken die actueel en interessant zijn, maar niets met scheepvaart te maken hebben.
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A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
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Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR » 13 aug 2018 01:33

Drie mannen die hun mannelijkheid moesten bewijzen.
Een Duitser, een Pool en een Rus
Ze moesten drie proeven doen: een fles wodka leeg drinken, een beer een hand geven
en met een eskimo meisje naar bed.
Nou de Duitser begon, na twee slokken wodka lag hij al onder de tafel.
Vervolgens de Pool. Die dronk de fles wodka met veel moeite weg en ging
goed dronken naar de beer op zoek. Na een uur was hij nog niet terug.
En er werd gedacht dat hij dood was.
Toen de Rus. Hij zette de fles wodka aan zijn mond en dronk hem in één keer leeg.
Hij ging op pad en kwam na ruim een half uur terug met verscheurde kleren en onder het bloed
en vroeg: waar is dat Eskimo meisje, die ik een hand moet geven??

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HENK HERMANNS
Berichten: 322
Lid geworden op: 19 feb 2011 14:29
Locatie: KERKRADE

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door HENK HERMANNS » 13 aug 2018 09:23

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jdbvos
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Lid geworden op: 22 apr 2006 16:17
Locatie: Groningen

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door jdbvos » 13 aug 2018 21:14

>
Bijlagen
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Greetz!
Jan DB Vos

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gerard tenerife
Berichten: 5361
Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door gerard tenerife » 13 aug 2018 23:50

SMART ASS ANSWER #6

It was mealtime during an airline flight.
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John,
Seated in front.
'What are my choices?' John asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.


SMART ASS ANSWER #5

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure
Gate to check tickets. As a man approached,
She extended her hand for the ticket and
He opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I
Need to see your ticket, not your stub.'
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.

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A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
Berichten: 811
Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR » 14 aug 2018 02:20

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gerard tenerife
Berichten: 5361
Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door gerard tenerife » 15 aug 2018 00:22

SMART ASS ANSWER #4

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys
At the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough
For her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys
Get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead...'

SMART ASS ANSWER #3

The police officer got out of his car as the kid
Who was stopped for speeding rolled down
His window.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast
As I could.”
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he
Sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.

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A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
Berichten: 811
Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR » 15 aug 2018 03:09

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Een bekend Nederlands circus vraagt een nieuwe dompteur
en plaatst een advertentie in de krant.
Er melden zich acht mannen en één jonge dame aan.
Allen worden uitgenodigd voor een solicitatie bezoek.
Zegt de circus direkteur: ''Ik heb de gevaarlijkste leeuwen
van de wereld, durven jullie het wel aan?''
''Jawel hoor'', zeggen ze allemaal.
De direkteur laat de jonge dame beginnen.
Ze loopt de piste in en de hekken om de arena gaan dicht.
Op drie pareltjes na trekt ze haar kleren uit.
De leeuw sprint op, begint om haar heen te lopen.
Op een gegeven moment gaat de leeuw op zijn rug liggen
en begint zachtjes te knorren. En zij gaat er naast liggen.
''Een wereld nummer, geweldig. Je bent aangenomen.
Je kan verdienen wat je maar wilt.'' zegt de direkteur.
De acht mannen worden niet eens meer gevraagd en gaan weg.
Toch komt er nog iemand weer terug.
''Wilt u dat nummer nog verbeteren?'' vraagt hij aan de man.
''Ja zeker'', zegt hij, ''haal die leeuw er maar eens uit''.

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gerard tenerife
Berichten: 5361
Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door gerard tenerife » 15 aug 2018 20:27


SMART ASS ANSWER #2



A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and
Noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead.
Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front
Of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out
Of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands
On his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering
This bridge and I ran out of gas.'

BEST SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR!!


A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not
Being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear
Attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a
Death in your immediate family, but that's it, no
Other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and
Asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from
Complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at
The student, shook her head and sweetly said,
'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other
Hand.'
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.

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A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
Berichten: 811
Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR » 16 aug 2018 03:22

Een man bestelt een bord soep in een restaurant.
De ober brengt de soep met z'n duim in het bord.
"Dat is tegen de ziekte, moet warm gehouden worden" zegt de ober.
"Waarom stop je hem dan niet in je achterste?" vraagt de klant.
Waarop de ober reageert met: "dat doe ik altijd als ik in de keuken ben."

-0-0-

Onlangs vroeg in hetzelfde restaurant een dame aan haar man:
"Hoe zouden de slakken hier zijn?"
Een man aan het tafeltje ernaast glimlachte droeving en merkte op:
"Ze zijn vermomd als obers."


-0-0-

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HENK HERMANNS
Berichten: 322
Lid geworden op: 19 feb 2011 14:29
Locatie: KERKRADE

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door HENK HERMANNS » 16 aug 2018 10:53

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gerard tenerife
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Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door gerard tenerife » 16 aug 2018 23:01

The Catholic priest was about to leave his mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives. He suddenly realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English, so he takes the chief for a walk in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The priest is pleased with the response. They walk a little farther and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The priest is really getting enthusiastic about his pupil's results when he hears a loud rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The priest is really flustered and quickly says, "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.
The priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief calmly replies, "My bike."
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.

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A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
Berichten: 811
Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR » 17 aug 2018 03:53

After spotting a woman at the bar drinking
alone, the customer called the bartender
over.
''I want to buy that girl a drink,'' he said with
a nod in her direction.
''No, you don't,'' the bartender replied.
''Yes I do,'' insisted the man.
With a shrug of his shoulders, the bartender
delivered a drink to the woman.
A half hour later, the customer ordered
another drink for the woman.
''Look, sir,'' the bartender said, ''you don't
want to buy her any drinks.''
''Why not?''
''Because she's a lesbian.''
''So what? Give her another drink.''
Fifteen minutes later, the fellow decided the
time was right to make his move and sidled up to
the barstool. ''So tell me,'' he flirted, ''what part
of Lesbia are you from?''
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gerard tenerife
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Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door gerard tenerife » 17 aug 2018 20:22


Love this Japanese Doctor!


Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND......

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you

mvg Gerard :lol:
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.

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A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
Berichten: 811
Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR » 18 aug 2018 04:29

Een hoge ambtenaar van de ambassade in Washington ging eens voor
de verandering naar de hoeren. Hoeveel kost dat vroeg hij.
50 dollar, zei ze koud. Dan laat ik me wel pijpen, zei hij.
Dat kan ook wel zegt zij. Kost 10 dollar extra!!

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gerard tenerife
Berichten: 5361
Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door gerard tenerife » 18 aug 2018 23:17

This Senior Citizen Has A "Senior Moment" And Comes To A Hilarious Realisation
Every now and again someone puts into words what so many people are feeling! Read this amazing email and let us know if you can relate.

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. –
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills
back
on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think,
since I’m going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the
can of Pepsi I’d been drinking.
I’m going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye–they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I’ve been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I’m going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I’ll be looking for the remote,
but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I’ll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn’t washed
the bills aren’t paid
there is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don’t have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can’t find the remote,
I can’t find my glasses,
and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all the damn day,
and I’m really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem,
and I’ll try to get some help for it,
but first I’ll check my e-mail….
Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don’t remember who the hell I’ve sent it to.
Don’t laugh — if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming!!
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.

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leo-shof
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Lid geworden op: 23 dec 2006 21:05
Locatie: 0174

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door leo-shof » 19 aug 2018 14:17

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Achter iedere deur schuilt wel een verhaal !

LEO

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