De moppenhoek
-
gerard tenerife
- Berichten: 6491
- Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
- Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje
Re: De moppenhoek
Love this Japanese Doctor!
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Fruit very good. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Grain good too. Bottom up!
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
AND......
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you
mvg Gerard
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.
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A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
- Berichten: 8199
- Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24
Re: De moppenhoek
Een hoge ambtenaar van de ambassade in Washington ging eens voor
de verandering naar de hoeren. Hoeveel kost dat vroeg hij.
50 dollar, zei ze koud. Dan laat ik me wel pijpen, zei hij.
Dat kan ook wel zegt zij. Kost 10 dollar extra!!
de verandering naar de hoeren. Hoeveel kost dat vroeg hij.
50 dollar, zei ze koud. Dan laat ik me wel pijpen, zei hij.
Dat kan ook wel zegt zij. Kost 10 dollar extra!!
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gerard tenerife
- Berichten: 6491
- Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
- Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje
Re: De moppenhoek
This Senior Citizen Has A "Senior Moment" And Comes To A Hilarious Realisation
Every now and again someone puts into words what so many people are feeling! Read this amazing email and let us know if you can relate.
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. –
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills
back
on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think,
since I’m going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the
can of Pepsi I’d been drinking.
I’m going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye–they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I’ve been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I’m going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I’ll be looking for the remote,
but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I’ll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn’t washed
the bills aren’t paid
there is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don’t have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can’t find the remote,
I can’t find my glasses,
and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all the damn day,
and I’m really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem,
and I’ll try to get some help for it,
but first I’ll check my e-mail….
Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don’t remember who the hell I’ve sent it to.
Don’t laugh — if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming!!
Every now and again someone puts into words what so many people are feeling! Read this amazing email and let us know if you can relate.
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. –
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills
back
on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think,
since I’m going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the
can of Pepsi I’d been drinking.
I’m going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Pepsi aside
so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.
The Pepsi is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye–they need water.
I put the Pepsi on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I’ve been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I’m going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I’ll be looking for the remote,
but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I’ll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn’t washed
the bills aren’t paid
there is a warm can of
Pepsi sitting on the counter
the flowers don’t have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can’t find the remote,
I can’t find my glasses,
and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all the damn day,
and I’m really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem,
and I’ll try to get some help for it,
but first I’ll check my e-mail….
Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don’t remember who the hell I’ve sent it to.
Don’t laugh — if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming!!
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.
Re: De moppenhoek
- 36676414-0EE5-4AB8-9FEE-CD7AE65C501E.thumb.jpeg.5266fb58eefec65cf51d95a39e964cd4.jpg (204.98 KiB) 2633 keer bekeken
Het slechtste wiel van de wagen kraakt het meest . 
LEO
LEO
-
gerard tenerife
- Berichten: 6491
- Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
- Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje
Re: De moppenhoek
> Subject: Life's solutions
>
>
> 1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.
>
> ~
>
> 2. My wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25 and her name is Heather.
>
> ~
>
> 3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
>
>
> 1. I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.
>
> ~
>
> 2. My wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 25 and her name is Heather.
>
> ~
>
> 3. Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.
-
A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
- Berichten: 8199
- Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24
Re: De moppenhoek
Het huwelijk is voltrokken, en de
jonggehuwden besluiten om de nacht onder
een palmboom door te brengen. Met een teder
gebaar geleidt de muis het olifantenwijfje tot
onder de boom. Net op het moment dat de
muis zijn eega bestijgt, valt er een kokosnoot
op de kop van de olifant. ''AAAUUUWWW!''
trompettert het wijfje. 'Rustig maar, schatje,
de eerste keer is meestal een beetje pijnlijk.''
jonggehuwden besluiten om de nacht onder
een palmboom door te brengen. Met een teder
gebaar geleidt de muis het olifantenwijfje tot
onder de boom. Net op het moment dat de
muis zijn eega bestijgt, valt er een kokosnoot
op de kop van de olifant. ''AAAUUUWWW!''
trompettert het wijfje. 'Rustig maar, schatje,
de eerste keer is meestal een beetje pijnlijk.''
-
gerard tenerife
- Berichten: 6491
- Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
- Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje
Re: De moppenhoek
> Subject: Made me smile
>
> 1. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
>
> ~
>
> 2. The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
>
> ~
>
> 3. A man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!
>
> 1. My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's three schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."
>
> ~
>
> 2. The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
>
> ~
>
> 3. A man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead." The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says, "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.
-
A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
- Berichten: 8199
- Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24
Re: De moppenhoek
- viagra.jpg (22.09 KiB) 4515 keer bekeken
-
gerard tenerife
- Berichten: 6491
- Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
- Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje
-
A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
- Berichten: 8199
- Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24
Re: De moppenhoek
Een aardige oude heer glimlachte tegen het
meisje dat alleen in de banketbakkers
winkel stond.
Heb je nu zelf geen zin om een gebakje te nemen?
Het meisje was diep beledigd.
Natuurlijk niet, dan zou ik stelen.
Ik lik er alleen maar aan!
meisje dat alleen in de banketbakkers
winkel stond.
Heb je nu zelf geen zin om een gebakje te nemen?
Het meisje was diep beledigd.
Natuurlijk niet, dan zou ik stelen.
Ik lik er alleen maar aan!