De moppenhoek

Hier kan iedereen alles plaatsen over zaken die actueel en interessant zijn, maar niets met scheepvaart te maken hebben.
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A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
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Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR » 18 okt 2018 03:19

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Een knaap liep een dames toilet binnen.
Maakte zijn broek open en haalde zijn
jonge heer te voorschijn.
''Meneer'', zei één van de aanwezige vrouwen ernstig
''Dit hier is voor dames.''
''Nou en'' antwoordde de man, ''deze ook!''

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gerard tenerife
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Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door gerard tenerife » 19 okt 2018 00:36

-

I have it on good authority…………….. this is a true story!




The king wanted to go fishing, and he asked the royal weather

forecaster the forecast for the next few hours.

The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain.

So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way he met a man with

a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the

palace! In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm."


The king replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He

is an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very

high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."

So the king continued on his way.

However, in a short time a torrential rain fell from the sky. The

King and Queen were totally soaked.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire

the meteorologist.

Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious

position of royal forecaster.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about

forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my

donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."

So the king hired the donkey.

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential

positions of government. The practice is unbroken to this date.
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.

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A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
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Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR » 19 okt 2018 03:37

over ezels geschreven
Zo staan er twee ezels in de wei.
Zegt de ene ezel tegen de andere
''Wij vergissen ons nooit hé!''
De andere ezel antwoordt:
''Nee, want vergissen is menselijk.''

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A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
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Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR » 19 okt 2018 03:44

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gerard tenerife
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Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door gerard tenerife » 19 okt 2018 23:30

The Blind Cowboy





A blind cowboy wanders over to a bar stool and asks the bartender for a shot of Jack Daniels.

He sits there for a while, then calls out to the bartender,

“Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”

At that point the entire bar falls deadly silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

“Before you tell that joke, cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:


1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a club.

3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in Karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, cowboy.

Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?”


The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,

“No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.

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A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
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Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR » 20 okt 2018 03:59

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leo-shof
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Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door leo-shof » 20 okt 2018 23:49

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Laatst gewijzigd door leo-shof op 20 okt 2018 23:54, 1 keer totaal gewijzigd.
Achter iedere deur schuilt wel een verhaal !

LEO

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gerard tenerife
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Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door gerard tenerife » 20 okt 2018 23:51

Would You Get Married Again ?


A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife
looks over at him and asks the question ....



WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"



HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"



WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"



HUSBAND: "Of course I do...”



WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?”



HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."



WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)



HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)



WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"



HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house...”



WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"



HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"



WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"



HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."



WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"



HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."



WIFE: "Would you give her my jewellery?"



HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."



WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you"?



HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."



WIFE: "Would you let her use my clubs"?



HUSBAND: "No."



WIFE: "Why not"?



HUSBAND: "Because she's left-handed".



WIFE: -- silence --


.......pause........



HUSBAND: "SHIT !! ''
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.

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A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
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Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR » 21 okt 2018 03:32

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gerard tenerife
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Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door gerard tenerife » 22 okt 2018 00:38

think I have learned something



SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING???



A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.



A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.




A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.




A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.




A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.




A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.




A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.




A snail can sleep for three years.




Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.




All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial


on the back of the $5 bill.




Almonds are a member of the peach family.




An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.




Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child


reaches 2 to 6 years of age.




Butterflies taste with their feet.




Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.




"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "MT".




February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.




In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.




If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line


would never end because of the rate of reproduction.




If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend


an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.




It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.




Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.




Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.




No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.




Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and


ears never stop growing.




Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.




Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.




"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and


"lollipop" with your right.




The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.




The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of


diesel that it burns.




The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and


a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. LOL




The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses


every letter of the alphabet.




The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.




The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read


left to right or right to left (palindromes).




There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.




There are more chickens than people in the world.




There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous":


tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous




.


There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order:


"abstemious" and "facetious."




There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.




Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.




TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only


on one row of the keyboard.




Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.




Women blink nearly twice as much as men.




Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks;


Otherwise it will digest itself.




There, now you know everything!
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.

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A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
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Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24

Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR » 22 okt 2018 02:56

the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog
Voor de marconisten onder ons een bekend regeltje :-D :-D

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A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
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Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR » 22 okt 2018 03:04

DOMINEE
Boer krijgt bericht dat hij de
nieuwe dominee op bezoek
krijgt. Hij ziet daar erg tegenop
en meent dat zijn zoon, die
student is, dit karwei beter kan
opknappen. Hij stuurt zijn zoon
een brief en vraagt hem over te
komen.
Zoon is ziek en stuurt een
telegram: 'kan niet komen - lig
met angina op bed'.
Boer stuurt een telegram terug:
'geeft niets - breng die meid ook
maar mee'.

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Breeze
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Lid geworden op: 30 jan 2017 20:43
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Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door Breeze » 22 okt 2018 09:23

Da's een ouwe. De punchline van Max Tailleur was: "SCHAAM JE".

Adri

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gerard tenerife
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Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door gerard tenerife » 23 okt 2018 00:12

Afbeelding
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.

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dick/brazil
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Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door dick/brazil » 23 okt 2018 02:28

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A sailor and a priest were playing golf.
The sailor took his first shot missed and said, "F**k, I missed."
Surprised, the priest replied, "Don’t use that kind of language or god will punish you."
The sailor took aim and hit his shot second shot.
Again he missed and under his breath the said, "I f**k’n missed again."
The priest overheard and replied, "My son, please don’t use that language or god will punish you."
The sailor took his third shot and once again he couldn’t help mutter, "Oh f**k" The priest said, "That’s it god will certainly punish you."
Suddenly a bolt of lightning came down and killed the priest.
In the distance a deep voice said, "F**K, I Missed."

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A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
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Re: De moppenhoek

Bericht door A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR » 23 okt 2018 03:02

Baby die geboren werd in een vliegtuig tijdens een vlucht krijgt voor de rest van zijn leven
gratis vliegen aangeboden.
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Ik was zo graag in een bar ter wereld gekomen :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

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