De moppenhoek
Re: De moppenhoek
THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY
Good : Your wife is pregnant.
Bad : It's triplets.
Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago.
Good : Your wife's not talking to you
Bad : She wants a divorce.
Ugly : She's a lawyer.
Good : Your son is finally maturing.
Bad : He's involved with the women next door.
Ugly : So are you.
Good : Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad : You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly : You're in them.
Good :Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad : You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly : Your daughter borrowed them.
Good : Your husband understands fashion.
Bad : He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly : He looks better than you.
Good : You just gave "the birds and the bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad : She keeps interrupting.
Ugly : With corrections
Good : Your son is dating someone new.
Bad : It's another man.
Ugly : He's your best friend.
Good : Your daughter got a new job.
Bad : As a hooker.
Ugly : Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way ugly : She makes more money than you do.
Good : Your wife is pregnant.
Bad : It's triplets.
Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago.
Good : Your wife's not talking to you
Bad : She wants a divorce.
Ugly : She's a lawyer.
Good : Your son is finally maturing.
Bad : He's involved with the women next door.
Ugly : So are you.
Good : Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad : You find several porn movies hidden there.
Ugly : You're in them.
Good :Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad : You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly : Your daughter borrowed them.
Good : Your husband understands fashion.
Bad : He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly : He looks better than you.
Good : You just gave "the birds and the bees" talk to your daughter.
Bad : She keeps interrupting.
Ugly : With corrections
Good : Your son is dating someone new.
Bad : It's another man.
Ugly : He's your best friend.
Good : Your daughter got a new job.
Bad : As a hooker.
Ugly : Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way ugly : She makes more money than you do.
- gerard tenerife
- Berichten: 6491
- Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
- Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje
- A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
- Berichten: 8199
- Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24
Re: De moppenhoek
Eén er van is een lachebek. De andere twee zijn serieuzer.
Op zekere dag moeten ze dan hun werk maar eens leren.
De 1e vliegt er met een kindje uit, maar komt er mee terug.
Hij kwam bij een huis, daar hadden ze al zeven, zei hij.
Ik kon het er niet kwijt.
Dat zelfde over kwam ook de tweede.
Toen was de derde aan de beurt. Vliegt uit en na een lange
tijd komt hij lachend met het kindje terug.
Waarom lach je nu weer vragen de anderen in koor.
Zegt hij: Ik heb een halve dag boven een Marva kazerne rondgevlogen.
Had je die kwade meiden daar allemaal eens moeten zien!!!
- gerard tenerife
- Berichten: 6491
- Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
- Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje
Re: De moppenhoek
Top Ten Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex...
#10... A "below par" performance is considered damn good.
#09... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a
couple of beers.
#08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#07... Foursomes are encouraged.
#06... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#05... Three times a day is possible.
#04... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#03... If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.
#02... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished and...
#01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!
#10... A "below par" performance is considered damn good.
#09... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a
couple of beers.
#08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#07... Foursomes are encouraged.
#06... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#05... Three times a day is possible.
#04... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#03... If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.
#02... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished and...
#01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.
- A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
- Berichten: 8199
- Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24
Re: De moppenhoek
En weet u waarom veel vrouwen tegenwoordig het bowlen opgeven
en in plaats daar van veel meer aan sex gaan doen??
De ballen zijn lichter en ze hoeft er geen andere schoenen voor
aan te doen!!
en in plaats daar van veel meer aan sex gaan doen??
De ballen zijn lichter en ze hoeft er geen andere schoenen voor
aan te doen!!
- gerard tenerife
- Berichten: 6491
- Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
- Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje
Re: De moppenhoek
Subject: a little tutter
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede,
which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box,
and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub for a drink with him.
So he asked the centipede in the box,
"Would you like to go down the pub with me today? We will have a good time."
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again,"How about going down the pub with me ?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.
This time he put his face up against the centipede ' s box and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to the pub with me? .....
This time, a little voice came out of the box, ''I heard you the first time! I 'm putting my shoes on!"
A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede,
which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box,
and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the pub for a drink with him.
So he asked the centipede in the box,
"Would you like to go down the pub with me today? We will have a good time."
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again,"How about going down the pub with me ?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.
This time he put his face up against the centipede ' s box and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to the pub with me? .....
This time, a little voice came out of the box, ''I heard you the first time! I 'm putting my shoes on!"
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.
- A.Kuiper/J.Pessoa/BR
- Berichten: 8199
- Lid geworden op: 09 okt 2017 03:24
Re: De moppenhoek
Een man komt op klaarlichte dag onverwacht thuis en vindt zijn
vrouw naakt in bed, terwijl de slaapkamer sterk naar sigarenrook
geurt. De man kijkt onder het bed en in alle kasten, maar
vindt niemand, tot hij uit het raam naar beneden kijkt en bij de
bushalte een sigarenroker ziet staan. Woedend sleurt hij de
koelkast naar het raam en gooit deze naar buiten. Even later
arriveert de verpletterde roker bij de hemelpoort.
''Wat is er met jou gebeurd?'' vraagt Petrus. ''Geen idee'' zegt de man.
''Sta ik op de bus te wachten, krijg ik een koelkast op m'n kop.''
''Kom maar binnen.''' zegt Petrus.
Even later arriveert er weer een man. ''Wat is er gebeurd?''
vraagt Petrus. ''Ik had zo een berouw dat ik iemand met een
koelkast vermoord had.'' zegt de man, ''dat ik mezelf heb opgeknoopt.''
''Ga maar naar binnen.'' zegt Petrus en wéér arriveert er een man.
''En jij?'' vraagt Petrus. ''Geen idee,'' zegt de man.
''Zit ik in de koelkast rustig een sigaartje te roken, wordt ik ineens
van het balkon gegooid.''
vrouw naakt in bed, terwijl de slaapkamer sterk naar sigarenrook
geurt. De man kijkt onder het bed en in alle kasten, maar
vindt niemand, tot hij uit het raam naar beneden kijkt en bij de
bushalte een sigarenroker ziet staan. Woedend sleurt hij de
koelkast naar het raam en gooit deze naar buiten. Even later
arriveert de verpletterde roker bij de hemelpoort.
''Wat is er met jou gebeurd?'' vraagt Petrus. ''Geen idee'' zegt de man.
''Sta ik op de bus te wachten, krijg ik een koelkast op m'n kop.''
''Kom maar binnen.''' zegt Petrus.
Even later arriveert er weer een man. ''Wat is er gebeurd?''
vraagt Petrus. ''Ik had zo een berouw dat ik iemand met een
koelkast vermoord had.'' zegt de man, ''dat ik mezelf heb opgeknoopt.''
''Ga maar naar binnen.'' zegt Petrus en wéér arriveert er een man.
''En jij?'' vraagt Petrus. ''Geen idee,'' zegt de man.
''Zit ik in de koelkast rustig een sigaartje te roken, wordt ik ineens
van het balkon gegooid.''
- gerard tenerife
- Berichten: 6491
- Lid geworden op: 22 mei 2009 21:01
- Locatie: valle san lorenzo,tenerife,spanje
Re: De moppenhoek
>
> Subject: Fwd: Fwd: It's coming and it is worrying
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> CALLER:
>
> Is this Gordon's Pizza?
>
> GOOGLE:
> No sir, it's Google Pizza.
>
> CALLER:
> I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
>
> GOOGLE:
> No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.
>
> CALLER:
> OK. I would like to order a pizza.
>
> GOOGLE:
> Do you want your usual, sir?
>
> CALLER:
>
> My usual? You know me?
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
>
> CALLER:
> OK! That’s what I want …
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
>
> CALLER:
> What? I detest vegetable!.
>
> GOOGLE:
> Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
>
> CALLER:
> How the hell do you know!
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
>
> CALLER:
>
> Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
>
> GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.
>
> CALLER:
> I bought more from another drugstore.
>
> GOOGLE:
> That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
>
> CALLER:
> I paid in cash.
>
> GOOGLE:
> But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
>
> CALLER:
> I have other sources of cash.
>
> GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law
>
> CALLER:
> WHAT THE HELL!!!
>
> GOOGLE:
> I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
>
> CALLER:
>
> Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
>
> GOOGLE:
> I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…
> Subject: Fwd: Fwd: It's coming and it is worrying
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> CALLER:
>
> Is this Gordon's Pizza?
>
> GOOGLE:
> No sir, it's Google Pizza.
>
> CALLER:
> I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
>
> GOOGLE:
> No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.
>
> CALLER:
> OK. I would like to order a pizza.
>
> GOOGLE:
> Do you want your usual, sir?
>
> CALLER:
>
> My usual? You know me?
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
>
> CALLER:
> OK! That’s what I want …
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin crust?
>
> CALLER:
> What? I detest vegetable!.
>
> GOOGLE:
> Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
>
> CALLER:
> How the hell do you know!
>
> GOOGLE:
>
> Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.
>
> CALLER:
>
> Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.
>
> GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you only purchased a box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.
>
> CALLER:
> I bought more from another drugstore.
>
> GOOGLE:
> That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.
>
> CALLER:
> I paid in cash.
>
> GOOGLE:
> But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.
>
> CALLER:
> I have other sources of cash.
>
> GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law
>
> CALLER:
> WHAT THE HELL!!!
>
> GOOGLE:
> I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.
>
> CALLER:
>
> Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I'm going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service and no one to watch me or spy on me.
>
> GOOGLE:
> I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…
een pessimist is een optimist met veel ervaring.